Umm...Could I Cut it Any Closer?

The only way Mom and Dad are letting me go to Germany is the knowledge that I will be back in time for graduation. I completely understand why the actual ceremony is important to them, but in light of what I could be doing instead of sitting in the sun for hours on end I'd rather skip it.

Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. I don't even walk across the stage-- just stand up and move my tassel and that's that. It's really not worth it.

And what's worse is that it turns out I'll be getting back just in time for it. The day before, to be exact.

Since I have to do 12 weeks of student teaching I have to take into account holidays and the like. Because of this I'll be working in Koln up until May 10.

May 10th.

Graduation is May 12th.

Holy shit.


Why the hell is the ceremony so important to them? Why do I have to come back on such a tight schedule? What if the plane gets delayed or something else happens? What if, what if, what if?

What if going to graduation makes me resent my family for making me leave one of the best experiences of my life?

Look at this, I haven't even gone yet and I know it's going to change my life for the better.

Terrorism vs. Genocide. The Former Side Seems to Be Winning.

(note: I'm just going to copy/paste most of an email I sent to a friend I worked with this past summer. It says everything I wanted to say about the topic, and of course I'm going to edit some of it).

Seriously, the world is going to hell and there's too many problems to solve all at once, so someone is always going to get left to the way side and guess who that is?

Fucking Darfur. I just know it.

Today the UN agreed to absorb or absolve the African Union troops in Darfur with around 17500 troops and 3000 police of their own, but only with the consent of the government, who, by the way, fucking hates the UN and the "western world" because they think it's going to be colonialism all over again.

Honestly. I could kill someone. Only with the consent of the government?? Nothing will ever happen! And the resolution says it'll only send in the troops on the October 1st deadline of when the African Union troops are due to leave.

October 1?! Are. you. serious.

And what's worse is that the UN is sending troops to the Isreal/Lebanon conflict, which of course is going to take precendence over Darfur in the majority of the world's minds. After all, they're only "Africans."

Yes, I actually had someone tell me that yesterday. I hope they burn in hell.

About 5000 UN troops are being sent to Southern Lebanon, but some people are saying that's not enough and I'm scared to death that when they find out how many are being sent to Darfur (a number I'm ecstatic about, by the way) I feel like the shit is going to hit the fan and people are going to start bitching and complaining.

I hate how I have no faith in the International Community anymore.

I hate how there's so much fighting going on.

I hate that I constantly feel hopeless and that I can only send so many postcards to
say what I want to say.

I hate that the students in my class most likely aren't keeping up with this and I want to bagger them with emails and I want them to be as involved with this as I am right now.


You are very good to rant to, by the way. Hope all is well. Just wanted you to know that the world cares more about terrorism than genocide, so you win the ultimate arguement.


Karen "I'm Not Giving Up, Bitches"

Monday Mishaps, The Letter That Changed Everything, and Music For The Soul

THE MISHAPS
1. Spilt Cheerwine on myself at Hot Corner and I had to deal with a sticky foot and shoe for three hours.
2. Got on the wrong bus after the Cheerwine incident and went around the campus's ass to get where I wanted to be. You'd think I'd know the routes by now, but no.
3. Forgot to write a reaction paper for said class.
4. Dropped numerous objects multiple times (i.e., cell phone, books, pens).


THE LETTER THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
Got the official letter of confirmation from Germany. For 12 weeks I will be in Cologne, Germany doing my student teaching at the Koenigin Luise School. I've been translating page after page on the site and looking at all the pictures. It looks amazing. It will be amazing.

I found out about Germany this summer but having the letter in my hand is a completely different matter. It's got all the "things-you-need-to-do-immidiately" information, along with a two page fact sheet on Germany, which they just printed off from some website to tell me about the weather, public transportation, and personal apperance (to name a few):

GREETINGS: A handshake is the most common form of greeting. A man waits for a woman to extend her hand before shaking it; in mixed company he shakes a woman's hand before a man's.

Normally I would laugh at something like this, but I'm so enthralled with such trivial information at the moment that I just nod my head with an awed expression that says "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?"

Germany. Three months. Teaching.

Wow.


MUSIC FOR THE SOUL
Andrew Bird's The Mysterious Prodution of Eggs album in it's entirety. Brought to you by Righteous Babe.

To Be A Teacher

On the first day of my teacher career, I was almost fired for eating the sandwich of a high school boy. On the second day I was almost fired for mentioning the possibility of friendship with sheep. Otherwise, there was nothing remarkable about my thirty years in the high school classrooms of New York City. I often doubted I should be there at all. At the end I wondered how I lasted that long.

In the past week I have been bombarded with what it means to be a good guide/instructor/teacher/mentor/whatever you want to call it.

The above excerpt is from "Teacher Man" by Frank McCourt, a memoir I've fallen in love with. It's candid, real, tragic, and hysterically funny (as life usually is).

In addition to the book my channel surfing skills have landed me on TNT and its "inspried by a true story" The Ron Clark Story.

Seriously, these two thngs have basically showed me that pushing myself to be a teacher is the right path. Yeah yeah yeah, it's just a book and it's just a movie, but it's the message behind the two. It's knowing that teaching is hard work that that yes, I will be overworked, underpaid, and underappreciated. But I don't care, because reading about McCourt reaching through to students and seeing the story of Ron Clark move these students is amazing.


I love my future profession. Hell, I love the possibility of my future profession.

Item of Concern

Pluto: Apparently Not Good Enough Anymore

Football Season Is Soon Upon Us

And by football I mean American football, a sport that seems to be only popular in the United States and which the majority of the world could care less about.

But here in Athens, GA it's a religion to some people. This much was proven earlier today when far too many UGA students waited in line for hours in order to get this season's tickets. UGA is lucky enough to pay only $8 per ticket, whereas other students at schools-- Big 10 schools like OSU-- pay out the ass. Still, student prices are always cheaper and I know far too may alum that would kill to still sign up for season tickets.

But seriously, today was ridiculous. With the weather at a lovely 91 degrees today it was torture to wait outside in The Mob that is obsessive fans and people that just want to sit together (me falling into the latter category). Crowd gathered at 10ish (though a mass email to all students told us, in a very fatherly way, to "go to class" instead of waiting) and the tickets were distributed at Noon.

Oh wait, no they weren't.

I should know, because I stayed until the very last minute before I went to my 1pm class. After I got out at 4 a friend of mine called his buddies he had left and they were still in line.

Four hours later and people were still waiting? This is UGA at it's finest, I swear. I have no idea why it took so much longer this year compared to others, but there is no reason it should have been this bad. After class I went back, got in line, and read on a bench until my friends had gotten close enough. Within that time span I read 100 pages of a book.

I'm a fast reader but not that fast.

Alas. We got the tickets in a decent section (112), and I'm planning on going to more games this year than years prior.

Maybe. Or maybe I'll just scalp them for too-high a price and put the money towards the Germany Fund.

Quick Story Time

(two concerned girls examining a new pack of birth control in the health center pharmacy)

Girl 1: Stop that! You'll mess it up.
Girl 2: I don't know if we can do this. We don't even understand Math Modeling.


Other adventures from downtown last night:
-Nearly saw three different fights break out. "Drunk and emotional" was how L characterized them. I agreed.
-I fell. Twice. And what's worse is that both incidents occured without the aid of alcohol. Damn my clumsy nature, for it will lead to my death one day. I'll just trip on a curb and fall head first into an open storm drain.
-Went crazy at The Loft when Cascada's "Everytime We Touch" came on. I couldn't stop smiling after that. Oh how I wished for my friends of summer to be there with me.
-Ran into some people I hadn't seen in months. Very nice.


Krush Girls tonight at Nuci's Space. Hell Yeah!

Italy (revisited)

Cleaning the room and found the journal I kept while in Italy. I wrote in it everyday, multiple times a day. I wasn't about to go to a new and amazing country without documenting everything and anything.

Looking back on this is amazing. So much happened the first day that it should have been a sign of things to come, but I just went with the flow of everything. Not knowing what to do with the plates in the Frankfurt airport, being the only one awake on the bus ride to town, moving apartments three times, getting yelled at by an old Italian woman--- so many memories flooding back.

It's an entry on the second day that makes me smile though. It's extremely short but one of the most important in the entire book:

5.22.05
6:28pm
The Orphanage

I found my spot-- the spot I'm going to visit everyday for hours on end. It's absolutely indescribable. Breathtaking. Calm. Magnificant. On and On.

I wish I could fly. This makes me think I could fly.

No one can make me feel the way I do right now.

Nothing, not ever.

I want to go back. So bad. (And yes, it's still true).

Fucking Hell Yes

Nuci's Space
Saturday, 11:30pm
Krush Girls/Twin Powers/DJ Mahogany
$5


This is what I've been waiting for all summer. And all three will be on stage.

At. The. Same. Time.

There are no words to describe how much I need this.

The Pains of Country Music

My mother is making me listen to "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" by Kenny Chesney.

Oh. My. God.

This is what happens when one takes a 10 hour drive back from Cincinnati down 1-75 through Kentucky and Tennesse-- all you get is country, gospel, and religious rock.

Country music = instant death.

Homeward Bound

First things first: I heart Quantum Leap.

I've been watching episodes since this morning and I forgot how much this show rocked. God bless SciFi.

The journey back to the South was smooth and relatively uneventful, if you don't take into account the buckets I cried over the course of the cab ride and flight. Leaving everyone was a lot harder than I thought and it wasn't until the cab pulled up that I started to go crazy. It had arrived sooner than I had planned and I hadn't said my goodbyes yet. I hugged everyone within distance and by the end I couldn't even talk. I think it's when I hugged Warren and Phil that the water works really started.

If John and Felipe hadn't been making the trip to NYC with me I would have fallen apart. Just crying and crying all the way to the station. I never cry, but leaving these amazing people reduced me to nothing. I'm trying to think of why I didn't get this worked up when I came back from Italy, and I've realized it's due to the fact that everyone from the trip lives in Georgia. No one lives in Georgia except for Anna. Which is a blessing, but I'm desperately going to miss people. Because of that I see many trips in my future.

Either way, the flight home was fine and the woman sitting next to me knows everything about my summer and the people that were part of my life for the past seven weeks. I had to talk it out and a 2.5 hour plane ride happened to be the place to do it. I love that woman.

So, since I've been home I've:
-Run into Sara at the baggage claim in the ATL airport (What are the odds? Fate is amazing)
-Gone to Outback with my Dad (Real food! Finally!)
-Eaten a year old piece of wedding cake (Apparently it's a tradition to save the top of the cake? I think the four inches of icing perserved it nicely while in the freezer).
-Surprised Rachel at her house and talked about our summers abroad for hours (her's to Italy, mine to New England).
-Eaten three bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.


Trip info for tomorrow (because I'll get a kick out of it):

Departure time for Athens: 10am
Estimated arrival time: Noon
Itinerary:
Arrive in Athens at Noon, unpack and relish in the feel of a double bed with down comforter. Catch up with roommates (new and old).

Estimated time for lunch: 1:30 at Five Star Day.

After lunch the students can do whatever they please for the rest, as long as it within the boundries of Athens. Students should continue to abide by the rules even though they are on a trip. This includes, but is not limited to, smoking, drinking, wearing his or her lanyard, and unncessary PDAs.


Pfft. Yeah, right.

What. The. Fuck.

I have never been so scared and angry in my entire life. At this moment I'm trying to think of a time where I've felt this way before and I'm coming up blank. I still can't believe that these students would do this.

I am so disappointed in these kids right now that I honestly can't wait to see them leave. First session was so different (read: better) in terms of students breaking the rules that it's kind of ridiculous. Was it the freedom they experience during most of the summer and then coming to a camp where rules were enforced? I'm trying to think of why first session and second session are so different (at least in my mind) and nothing is adding up.

About an hour ago I woke up to the sounds of kids screaming bloody murder. Dead asleep it takes a good minute for the sound to register and then I'm out of my bed in pure panic wondering if there's a fire or a killer on the loose. I had no idea why people were screaming like that because I didn't think these kids would do something like this.

I guess I overestimated their character. My girls and I talked about trust issues tonight and how the staff doesn't give them the benefit of a doubt in most circumstances. Not true, but in my mind I do give the students the right to explain themselves. I've just been lied to so many times by some of them when I clearly saw one act or another occuring that my faith has diminished somewhat. Thank God for those that live up to their responsabilities and follow the guidelines set up. Thank God for the ones who treat others with respect and realize that they will be treated with respect in turn.

If it wasn't for these students then I would say that stereotypes about teenagers are true. They are rude, disrespectful, ignorant, arrogant, selfish people that think they are above anything put before them and can run amuck without a care of the consequences, good or bad. I worry for those that do fall under this generalization, because they will learn of their shortcomings the hard way.

Being a teenager is one of the hardest things people go through. I'm just glad I made it out alive. I never did things these kids are doing, but I know plenty of people that did. These students complain about a lack of respect, or a lack of trust rather. Tonight's events are pretty much evidence that they deserve neither.




As an end note, I want to make it clear that this post is for a minority of the students here. All are amazing and unique and gifted in their own ways, but a good number of them still have a lot to learn, especially when it comes to respecting themselves, peers, and adults. I still have a lot to learn myself, but at least I know how to live up to my mistakes and when I break rules or get in trouble. I don't try to make excuses or beg for mercy. To me, that's one of the biggest differences between an adult and a teenager. Admitting when you're at fault and dealing with the consequences.

God, I'm still mad. I was so scared that something bad was happening to the kids that I ran straight outside, only to realize that it's all a joke and they wanted to get everyone all riled up. Words can not describe my level of disappointment.

Less Than A Week

The Georgia girls need to come back to Athens.

Now.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, Sunday...

Where Is My "Awkward" Button?

Sometimes I think the sooner I get out of here, the better.

This is one of those moments.


Basically I need to get home and soon. By home I mean Athens and by soon I mean now. It's been months since I've been back and I miss people a lot more than I thought I would.

I miss The Grill, Big City Bread, Five Star Day, Walkers, and on and on and on. I miss my favorite places to hang out and I miss my friends most of all. People up here are fantastic and if it wasn't for them I would have given up a long time ago, but they don't get it. There's one or two people here out of 120+ that understand me, but not like the people back home.

And speaking of which, I got a call from Tarik tonight. I was so happy to see his name pop up on the screen that I ran outside and lamented with him that he wasn't back at Gerogia and how much we miss each other.

You can't fake friendship like that.

It's weird to think that my summer will be done in five days. In five days I will be on my way back to Georgia and away from these people I have come to appreciate. Weirdy enough though, a good number of them are people that I wouldn't have chosen as my friends had it not been for Connecticut Camp. The same goes with crushes and people I dislike. A possible friend here is one that I wouldn't hang out with back home and a crush on a guy is one that I wouldn't have in a million years. So why?

Honestly, I think it's something they put in the water.

Reaching Out

Words can not describe how much I admire and appreciate this site:

http://postsecret.blogspot.com


Been reading it for months and every week I am amazed at the secrets people send in and how we really are all the same.

It Finally Feels Like Summer

Current weather for New Haven, CT:
Fair, 84 degrees (F), humidity at 56%, and a light breeze.


This is what I thought it was going to be like all summer but instead it's been a non-stop sun-pounding-on-your-back-sweat-fest. Disgusting, but oh so true. It's so wonderful outside right now that we opened up the windows in the MO for the first time since we've been here. And right outside the kids that went Deep Sea Fishing are grilling their catch and it even *smells* like summer.

about KAREN'S KICKASS SCHEDULE:
MWF: don't start until 1:10 and end at 4.
TR: start at 8 but end at 11.
Hell yeah.

about ERIN MOVING OUT:
Due to a series of unfortunate events Erin's moved out of the house. She's going to Italy for Spring Semester (fuck yeah!) and after looking at all the logistics ending the lease and moving into a place just for Fall made the most sense.

I cried for an hour when I found out.

about THE NEW ROOMMATE:
Her name is Marla and Erin says she's exactly like Heather, which is wicked awesome. Erin likes her, and in truth I'm excited to get to know her.

So yeah, lots of changes will be dealt with when I get back. No worries though-- Erin will always be shadowing my ass (she can't get enough of me).

What To Do, What to Say

My respect for the residential advisors and directors has grown so much since I came to work here. Seriously, the things some of these students are going through is intense and I'm so glad that they feel comfortable talking about it with us. I've listened to so many rants and vents and questions and thoughts that I have trouble reminding myself that these students are only high schoolers.

Sigh.

Anyway, this past week has been...eventful. Spent Friday through Sunday in D.C. touring the city and have an all around good time. Hell, the beds were amazing and I ate some kick ass Ethiopian food (which I "stole" from a wedding party on the last night). But as much as I love D.C., I'm beginning to think I'm allergic to it. Every time I've been in the city I constantly sneeze.

Went to Brown University today and was deeply impressed. I loved the campus and I knew that I would have loved it there had I gone, though I can here my father's laughter if I were to tell him the price. These private schools-- geez. I'm so spoiled by having HOPE. Who knew that it would take me being surrounded by private school kids to realize how happy I am at UGA?

Heat wave has struck like woah and I have never been so sweaty in all my life. This is worse than any Georgia summer and Italy combined. Today was 112 heat index. I mean, this is the type of heat you wish you could feel when you are absolutely freezing. It's like a blanket. A big, black fleece blanket wrapped around your body really tightly while standing in direct sunlight.