Washington, D.C.

And we're off.

Anja, Jodi, Kristen, and I are heading off to D.C. now. It's a 594 mile journey, each of us taking shifts and doing school work the entire way there. We've got our housing placement (at least three of us) and we're staying with a Georgetown resident.

I am beyond excited.

Dear Father,

Thanks for the support, asshole.


Your Daughter,
Karen

Fiesta Bash Heat Wave? Don't Mind if I Do.

Shoo. Where to start? Miles invited me to a block party he was DJ-ing and it was beyond fun. At least two hundred people, lots of good music, lots of alcohol (six kegs?), and lots and lots of dancing. My knee is killing me. Totally worth it.

Basically, it was Krush Girls, but outside. That's how good it was. Maybe better than the real thing (gasp, I know).

Got to hang out with Miles and Davis a good bit, and made some new friends along the way. Also, far too many pictures were taken.

Lord, last night was so much fun. I wish everyone had come with me. I called them and told them as much. Oh drunk dials, it has been far too long.

"Last Goodbye"

Hmm. Creepy.



Anyway, I have too much to say and not enough time to say it in. This next week is going to be pure and utter hell, which I expected after how little I was able to get done these past couple of days. Although I was able to read two more books for school it wasn't nearly enough to make a dent in the pile that needs to get done. Papers, papers, and more papers.

On top of that I have stuff for Connecticut Camp, and then the COST application. I'm nearly 90% sure I'm going to try for the spot in Cologne, Germany and then I'll list Manchester, England as my second. West Sussex is third, and Port Elizabeth, South Africa, is last.

Now lets pray to God I get accepted. I want this so bad I can taste it.

The trip to D.C. is this Thursday and before I go on that whirlwind adventure I need to have all my daily lesson plans done for Connecticut Camp (including course materials, which is what I'm getting tied up over). I want to make a course reader (a packet of chapters/articles/testimonies/pictures/whatever) for the students, but I need to work out the copyright processing on all the stuff I want to use. It's a lot, let me tell you. There's so much on genocide and human rights that I could use, and at the same time I feel like it won't be enough. 3 weeks to teach this course. Just thinking about it makes my skin tingle.

The party last night was very good. Sara and Stephanie were right, not many people showed, but those that did were the ones that counted the most. "Quality, not quantity," someone said. I can't help but agree. None of our parties will reach the same level as the Trailer Trash one, but I don't think I would ever want it to. That was truely a night of mayhem.

Anyway, the party was great and the company was choice. The outfits were hysterical (cody's smokey bear, tarik's nurse, eldin's horny chemist) and all-in-all I hope people had a good time.

No more play time for me, it's back to throwing myself into my work, body and soul.

Wise Words, with Paul McCartney:
This is your time
This is your day
You've got it all
Don't blow it away

I'll try.




ps. yes, I decided to use capital letters. I figured it would do wonders for everyone's eyesight.

once a year

today was awful.






that is all.

sunglasses

i don't like to wear sunglasses.

i discovered this hidden fact as i was driving home on saturday. i had a pair on for most of my journey, but as the sun began to lessen in its intensity i took them off--- and was blown away by the difference it made.

seriously, i could not believe how much i was missing out on. everything was (understandably) brighter, but happier. is that even possible? with sunglasses you're looking at the world through a mud-colored lens and it takes away from everything that you could be enjoying. driving down 129 back to macon is green and blue for miles and miles. walls of trees and then huge expanses of rolling hills and then more trees. i've come to appreciate it as one of the most calming drives and this weekend the weather was perfect. with my windows down i took off my sunglasses and enjoyed my surroundings in the way i was meant to-- open and exposed to the elements. the heat, the wind, the too-bright sun. the colors.

there's so many colors you're missing out on by wearing sunglasses. take a drive without them and relish in the fact that there are things that aren't supposed to be seen through a colored lens, but with your eyes only.

others news:
mom, dad, and i are taking an east-coast road trip up to new england before i start connecticut camp. we're stopping in a couple of states and will be staying in new haven a couple of days before i have to check in. this way they can visit with me there and i can hang out with them during the summer. as soon as the job is done i go straight back to school, so i wouldn't seen them until september.

visited with kessler this weekend and i encountered too many emotions to name. i hadn't seen her since july but it felt like we had never parted. lauren and i desperately want a reunion. it will happen-- we are that determined.

apply for student teaching overseas for spring '07. germany, or england? parents won't allow south africa (sigh).

laugh lines

when i am 70 years old and completely crazy i want to have a lot of laugh lines. i'm talking about the deep wrinkles that people shouldn't be afriad of having, because in my opinion these are the best. both my parents have prominent laugh lines and i love them. i love what it implies about their lives. i want it to look like i've been laughing my whole life.


i have a 15 page paper on jewish and christian relations in world war II rome due by noon on thursday. i am 1/3 done and am not motivated to complete it.

i have to finish my application for the student teaching overseas program by friday. i have yet to get the go-ahead from the department to do so.

i need to keep working on connecticut camp stuff. the daily lesson plans are due the 28th, but it'll have to be sooner since i'm going to d.c. for the rally. steve liked my curriculum map and had some good comments and suggestions. i need to call and talk to him more-- he offers me the constructive criticism i need to push myself futher with this. which reminds me, i need to figure out how i'm getting to new haven for the summer. plane, train, or automobile?

i will see kessler on friday and i want to cry. it's been almost a year. josh last weekend and now this. i still need to tell lauren! God i want to go back so bad.

i love my friends

and i mean love in the deepest and most meaningful sense. without them i would be nothing. somewhere between the presents, the cake, the horribly off-key singing, and the wellwishes i wanted to start crying because i realized that no matter how bad things may seem or how down i feel i will always have these people. i will always have these memories.

and if i don't have those then i can steal the video tarik took at the party.

yes, everything was a success and i saw people i hadn't seen in ages. and yosh came (aka the lovely josh). all he, lauren, and i did was talk about italy and how we miss everyone. i was so happy to see him that my brain shut down for a good twenty minutes. i'm pretty sure a marriage proposal was in there somewhere too.

stayed with my parents the rest of the weekend in atlanta. lovely dinner, movie (ice age 2: the meltdown-- a must see), and the aquarium. all very very nice. i love my parents and everything they've put up with. i can't imagine putting twenty-one years of your life into molding and shaping and caring for someone else's. is that what love is? offering yourself so another's life will be better? my parents have done so much for me that i constantly feel like an ungrateful child. but i know i'm not and they know this too. i couldn't have asked for better parents.

which leads me to this:
to whom it may concern,
thankyou. thank you so much for making the right choice when it mattered the most. thank you for giving me a chance at a better life. i hope that wherever you are happiness is with you. i hope you (both) have a family and that you have no regrets. never ever regret what you've done.
your daughter,
karen

holiday hoopla, t-minus...

holiday hoopla is drawing near and my excitment level is through the roof. all i have to do is get through classes tomorrow and turning in my curriculum map for connecticut camp and all will be right with the world.

now if only i was happy with my outfit. it's fine and all, but nothing special. i'll go around to some stores tomorrow and see if i can find some more stuff to add on to it. the holiday i have chosen to represent is st. patrick's day. i'm borrowing erin's huge ass hat, but other than that the rest is very plain and ordinary. hell, there's people that are going all out for this party: candy corn for halloween, a pregnant woman for labor day (ha! i love joe), a playboy bunny for easter, etc etc.

still can't believe i'm turning 21. cheryl called me tonight and it was good talking to her. i'll see her and eric in may though, when the whole family goes to cincinnati for erin's graduation. mom is slightly guilting me into going. example: "you know karen, grandma is celebrating her 86th birthday in april. she might not be around much longer."

first off, that's no way to talk about your own mother. but i know what mom is doing-- she's setting herself up for the fall. she thinks the more she talks about it the less it will hurt when it happens. not true. it will be devestating and it will rock my family to its very core. so in short i will go to ohio for my mother, because i know it will mean a lot to her. it will be nice to see the whole family again and i want to be there to support erin. it'll be a while until we're all together again-- there's so many of us that it's becoming harder to get together as the years go by. 6 aunts and uncles with tons of cousins, first cousins, step-cousins...

but that is later and the party is now. we have the usual number coming and i can't wait to see everyone!

cold sweat.

nightmares.

running. dead people. i am the enemy. enemy of what? friends are hurt. friends are the enemy. kill them myself as an act of mercy? before the others get to them?

yes.



no. changed my mind. can't do it.



someone else does it for me. in the end.




i thought going home would help with this, but they just. keep. coming.

"do you like me now? do you like me...now?"

more thoughts on the libertine, mainly because i can't get the movie out of my head. with a film starring johnny depp and john malchovik you know you're in for a different sort of film. though it was slow at parts i did like the movie overall.

for those who know nothing about it: johnny depp plays john wilmot, the earl of rochester in 17th century england. charles II is broke and can't get money from anyone and looks to the earl to write a grand and glorious speech that will show how great his monarchy is. the reason for this hiring lies in the fact that john wilmot is known for his amazing wit and writing, but mostly for his love of women and wine. the latter two is the focus of this film and how the earl falls further into a downward spiral, leading ultimately to his demise.

though this synopsis may make you feel sympathetic towards the earl, don't be. at the beginning of the film the direct (in a stroke of genius) has john wilmot address the audience directly stating "you will not like me."

i'm still torn between whether i liked john wilmot. i would have to say no, but seeing as how i love the actor playing him it's hard to say such things. the movie is vulgar, graphic, and boring at parts.

but i really did like it. honest.

i made that decision in the last 8 minutes of the movie, where john wilmot addresses the audience (again) for the last time. he goes back to his original statement by asking us "do you like me now?" and before i could answer he asks again. and again. and again. you sense that his character has changed somehow and he just trails off with "do you like me..."

the music is fantastic throughout the entire film, but with michael nyman i wasn't surprised. he's the composer that did the soundtrack for the piano and i loved it. my favorite song occurs at the end, when the earl is talking to you (aptly titled "rochester's farewell"). it's amazing.

intention vs. action

i went to macon this weekend to see my family in order to save my mind. i'm glad i went and i had a pretty good time while i was there, save for saturday. it wasn't any fault of theirs, but my need to get back to athens was getting stronger and stronger the more they talked about stuff i didn't care about. honestly, i don't care about economist walter williams. i don't care if you think the red lobster and the ocean spray craneberry commercials are hilarious.

i think i'm too picky when it comes to my parents. i love them to death and they are some of the smartest and funniest people i know, but i can only handle so much. so on saturday i made up some excuse that would take me back to athens and i was out the door by 8pm. around 8:20 the guilt had pretty much taken hold and i had to turn back-- i couldn't get the look of disappointment my mom had out of my head.

sigh. part of me wishes i had just come back here, but the other part of me is glad i turned around and stayed. so what's worse? the intention of wanting to leave (and making up a complete lie to do so) or actually following through with it?

in other news i have become obsessed with wanting a pet. indiana is a great cat and i miss her a lot, but i can't bring her back here. she belongs to my parents now and i honestly think that they need her more than i do.


ps. the libertine is not a movie to be viewed in the company of family. the full realization of this hit me when the midget riding the giant dildo was being pushed across the screen. or it may have been in the first ten minutes when johnny depp (cough) violates his wife during a carriage ride.