stress

i was mad last night. really, really mad. it takes a lot to get me to that point and only a few people have been able to get me there. my family is on the top of that list.

but then i got a call from my sister and realized that i shouldn't be mad. or at the least i shouldn't be taking this so seriously. i'm not helping anyone by crying over something like this and i need to suck it up and move on. mom is way too stressed to deal with my bitching so i'm just going to do what they want. saturday i'll go and try on the dresses they want and hope that the one we end up with isn't too horrific. but i'd like to point out now that when my wedding comes around this process will not be as difficult (i.e., i won't have 7 fucking bridesmaids).

i hate how there's so much i want to say but i don't know how to say it (or i can't because of the people who read this). all i can say is thank God i have another journal or i'd die. writing is very calming. it's almost like all your worries are sliding down your arm, out your fingers, and into whatever your writing (or typing) on. i can literally feel everything draining away from me. it's a lot like listening to music. if i find the music that suits my mood then i'm set. all my stress just dissolves.

but for the past couple of days this hasn't been working out too well. there's just too much going on in my head to really write down and some of the stuff i don't even want to think on, let alone write about. the stress is starting to buildup and all i want to do is either sleep or avoid my room and stay outside forever.

God, i can't wait to get out of here. everything is going to be different and better and new and a thousand other words that i can't think of right now.

saturday night talks

the loft is down and i couldn't be happier-- the room was driving me crazy the way it was. so now i have a view of the grassy area behind the dorm and i can see into erin's (and maggie's, caitlin's, and heather's) bathroom. awesome.

my mom came to visit me today. defintely wasn't expecting it but it was nice. actually, she wanted the dress i'm wearing to the wedding and to talk about the other bridesmaids outfits. 10 weeks until the big day and we're running out of time to get stuff together. basically my mom is getting stressed and my sister is indecisive (but we still love her).

right now everyone is just sitting in here chilling and talking and listening to music and it's probably one of the most relaxing saturday nights i've had in a while. nothing to worry about-- no tests, no papers, no crew, no nothing. caitlin is looking at me type right now and it's kinda freaking me out. anything to say caitlin?

why yes.....Karen's hot.....all you boys reading this should come over and have your way with her right now. I know that's what I want to do...it's just more appropriate to let the males do it...now back to karen....stay classy y'all.

oh snap! that just reminded me, i wanted to rent (better yet, buy) anchorman. i'll have to do that soon. tomorrow is going to be a shopping day downtown and just generally another relaxing day.

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!!

hahaha. i love lamp.

this week's forecast: work with a 10% chance of procrastination

i can not slack off this week. i won't let myself. starting tomorrow morning i'm going to bust my ass to get everything done. i would probably make a to-do list right now, but i said i wouldn't (instead i'm writing one as i'm typing this).

recap of this weekend:

friday: went home and watched my parents finish the taxes while looking through all of dad's history books. even brought some back with me. then went driving around town for a couple of hours. very nice.

saturday: orientation. saw lauren (yay!) and almost started crying when they showed us pictures of the town we're staying in. met the kids in my class and got our assignments and realized i've got a lot to do schoolwork-wise before i leave. the fieldtrips include rome, florence, sienna, and assissi, so i'll probably make a trip myself to venice and probably somewhere out of the country (switzerland?). oh! i'm also getting an international cell phone so i can call home if need be (and vice versa). overall it was a really good day and i'm even more excited than before. scared to death, but very excited. a group of us have already decided that we're going to start drinking on the flight over to calm us down. who knew so many people hated flying?

worked on EFND project and then hung out with agon for a while. we watched the pianist (very good) and talked about what's been going on in our lives. i missed him a lot more than i thought. hopefully i'll see him sometime this summer when i'm over there. that would be awesome.

sunday: church (i extremely dislike st.joe's now), nap in hammock, drive back to athens, then playing around at the fields. my knee is a million times better than what it was a week and a half ago, but i still had to ice it a bit after running around. as long as it's ready in a month then i don't care about anything else.


'night everyone.




ps.- congrats to uga crew for giving your all this weekend. i miss you guys.
pss.- why is my phone not recieving my sister's calls? all i get are the voicemails. weird.

everybody's free (to feel good)

so after reading erin's away message today about how good her schedule is for fall i came to the alarming realization that i could have registered yesterday at 8.

shit.

so i don't have a single history class on my schedule and it kills me. i need to take at least one (two would be excellent) if i want to keep up with everything. i found the classes and teachers i want, it's just a matter of hunting them down. but are they in their office? do they post their office hours anywhere? are their syllabi online? hell no.

but alas, i'm not too worried. drop/add has done good by me for the past 5 semesters (freshman college, for those who are wondering) and i don't see it fucking me over anytime soon.

finished my SPED project this morning and i'm going to start EFND tonight. this weekend while i'm home i'll read for my paper. thank God she let me change the topic. prohibition was an awful topic. why the hell did i choose that in the first place?

speaking of this weekend, it's time for my to start seriously thinking about italy. the program director has been sending out emails over the past few weeks giving us tips for the trip: converters, eating at the local bars, public restrooms. i'm so excited i want to barf. i'm never going to come back. i'll send out a postcard that says "i love you, but i love italy more" and that will be that.

i don't want to forget you

i want to go to a softball game. not baseball, softball. i have no idea why. i'm pretty sure it's the weather. i used to play softball around this time and i loved the smell of it. the grass, the dirt, leather gloves and just...i really miss it.

i'm way too nostalgic sometimes. more like all the time. i should work on that.

i need to work on a lot of things. papers are the first thing. my SPED paper on Reguarding Henry is going to have to be done from memory, which i hope will not come back to bite me in the ass.

i have 18 books checked out from the library. that's not counting the 3 others i made copies of and the one that i requested from perimeter, along with the one my dad has. i mean...come on people. i'm still not done looking for stuff though. the reference desk guy is going to be my bitch tomorrow is all i can say--i'm going to have him look up so much stuff for me. i found most of everything i need, it's the little things i'm having trouble with. stupid websites, stupid 1940s magazines not being online. stupid stupid me.

i think i'll go outside for a while on the porch. it's too nice to stay in right now and i don't want to miss it.

birthdays

thank you every one for making yesterday a really fun and all-around great day. you guys are awesome. and thanks so much for the presents-- i love them all :)

so yea, overall yesterday was a great day. my knee is going to be fine-- nothing torn, etc. just a mild sprain and some fluid buildup, but rest and the meds will help with that. got to see fever pitch (which i highly recommend to everyone) and then cake and presents (hell yea!) and then came the main event: rocky horror. i can't tell you how much fun that was. everyone had props and those that had never seen the movie are probably scarred (or converted) for life. i like to think it's the latter.

don't really have plans for today. bryan and simon are in town so i'll probably see them, with a stop at the international street festival (always a good time there). tomorrow my parents are coming, so i'm really excited about that. homework is going to have to fit in somewhere here, but i'll worry about that later. this is the first weekend in a while where i can really relax and not worry about anything, so i'm going to take advantage of it.




can't stop thinking. i want to go look now, but i won't.

getting a MRI (among other things)

so on monday during seat racing my knee was bothering me and i didn't think anything of it. on tuesday it still felt crappy, but it was going away and wasn't worth mentioning. yesterday, however, it decided to buckle underneath me and give me lots of trouble. couldn't straighten it or bend it all the way. long story short: went to the health center, doctor *thinks* i may have torn some cartiledge, and i got a MRI done to see for sure. i'll hoping to find out tomorrow what exactly the deal is. i'm praying it's not torn-- hopefully it's just fluid buildup or something along those lines that's causing the tightness. i thought the MRI would be scary (just the thought of it scares me), but it turned out okay. hell, i even feel asleep during it (took about 25 min). thank God for earplugs.

anyhow, i have crutches, which i really don't like. they're fun and all when they aren't yours, but they're a real bitch. i'd like to take this moment to say thank you to all my friends-- i wouldn't have gotten through the day if it hadn't been for you guys (especially erin!). so thank you all for your help, it means a lot to me.

in other news i finally talked to agon. i miss that boy so much it's insane. we spent a good 10 minutes saying how we should have called eachother/been so busy/we're going to call eachother a lot more. i'm even more excited to go home now.

do you ever hear a song and associate it with a movie? like 'we are the champions' by queen goes along with D2: the mighty ducks and 'mr. sandman' goes with back to the future. for me i associate songs either with movies or situations i was in when i first heard the song. 'aqueous transmission' by incubus will always remind me of sitting in a car in the rain with rachel and bryan and 'blister in the sun' (violent femmes) will take me back to freshman year spring break in boston at the g suite party where i saw kate jumping around--after smoking a ton of pot--screaming "i'm high as a kite..."

athlete and damien rice will always remind me of certain things, just as the killers, 311, and the beach boys. i could name a hundred songs that go along with my life's occurances, but i feel that may get too boring. i only hope i'm not the only one who thinks about things like this and i hope it never stops. i want a hundred more songs to go along with my memories-- both the good and the bad, i'll take them.

it's nothing really

*big yawn*

i can't sleep anymore. i was just staring at my ceiling until 3ish just thinking and then when i did fall asleep i kept waking up every 30 minutes it seemed. this isn't good, because i have my 2k test later today and i need all the energy i can get. it's been like this for a week or so. i'm going to blame it on the stress because (for once) it's the logical thing to do.

the john hunter regatta went semi-well. got 2 first place medals and lost all feeling in my hands and feet. i've never been so cold in my life. sunday i finally got to fly my kite, which was really fun. makes me miss my old kite. i think i still have it, but it's probably ripped to shreds. and before you ask, it had teenage mutant ninja turtles on it.

caitlin and i bought all the stuff for rocky horror. i'm going as magenta (of course) and she as columbia. we've got some others coming along and overall it's going to be a really fun time. probably one of the best birthdays i've had in a while. i'll definitely miss the joint-celebrations i had with rachel though. those were always great even though our birthdays are a month apart.

43 more days till italy. i still have so much to plan. i almost want the orientation to be this weekend just so i know the details, but i'll have to wait. it'll be the first weekend that i've been home in a long time either way. i miss home i think. i miss movie hopping with my dad and talking about life with mom. i'm really glad they're visiting on sunday. i'm definitely going to have to see agon while i'm there. i haven't seen him since may and i'm always meaning to call him but i never get around to it.

bryan, simon, and (hopefully) tom are supposed to come to athens this weekend. i'm really excited about this because i haven't seen any of them since winter break-- we've got lots of stuff to catch up on. school is starting to get to me and seeing friends from elsewhere will be very refreshing. sometimes you need to get away from it all, but seeing as how i can't do that i need people to come here instead.


i think that's it for now. it's my grandma's birthday today. she's 85? yea. either that or 86. whatever the age she's definitely got some years on her. when i look at everything she's done with her life i can only hope i'll make an impact like she did. i know my life would be very different had she not been in it. happy birthday.






2 more days. i can't stop thinking about her. this always happens.