Where Have You Been All My Life?

www.pandora.com

Go. Go now. Stop reading and just click the link.

I love you Lauren!

But I hate you, because I'm being swallowed by this instead of studying for my exam.

Ah, fuck it.

Behind Every Great Man is an Great(er) Woman

And Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is the ultimate proof.

I love this movie.

To Bake or Not To Bake

Things I could do besides bake:
Watch the LOST finale (2 HOURS! yessss!).
Read for Race/Ethnicity class (who am I kidding?)
Watch movies (they are due back soon)
Drink wine (which I'm running out of. Sigh)
Work on stuff for Connecticut Camp (lesson plans, xerox articles, blah blah blah)
Sleep (always in short supply)

Things I could bake:
Cake (there's a box that's been sitting on the shelf forever that's taunting me)
Cupcakes (see above description)
Pancakes (does that count as baking? It should)
Croissants (I was reminded of the chocolate croissants I had in Italy and I'm still trying to perfect the recipe. I have a feeling it's just going to be lots of Nutella, though there's nothing wrong with that).
Key Lime Pie (too much FoodNetwork can get to you. Damn you Ina Garten!)
Cookies (you can't go wrong with cookies. ever)

What to do, what to do. I'll probably get on my baking kick this weekend. I'll have the kitchen (and, in turn, the house) to myself and when everyone comes back from visiting their families I'll have delicious treats waiting for them. Huzzah!

A Story About Race (Depending on How You Look at It, I Guess)

Yesterday before the play I parked in a $2 all day parking lot and realized I didn't have enough money. Most people wouldn't care about such a small amount, but I'm paranoid so of course I tore the car apart hoping to find some change between the seats. After about five minutes of finding nothing I just sat half in/half out of the car and hoped my parents got there soon and covered me.

As I'm sitting there looking at the money in my lap a guy pops out from no where and drops a dime in my hand. I was in drop-jaw shock, mainly because this was the type of guy that I would cross the street to avoid. He was...well, he was scary looking. And here I am all dressed up to go to a musical and this guy looks like he hasn't had a shower in weeks and he gave me money. Not only that, but after walking a away a bit he comes back and holds out his hand and tells me to take as much as I need. After expressing my heartfelt (and I really mean heartfelt) gratitude he said "No problem" and walked off.

I probably sat there for a good ten minutes. What an amazing and extra-ordinary thing to happen! It was so out of the norms I'm used to being a part of and seeing that I couldn't stop smiling. I called Erin and told her, called Lauren, and told my parents upon seeing them at the theater. I know I shouldn't make a big deal out of it. "Who cares? You got money from a guy that happend to be black. What makes you so high and mighty?"

It's not about that. It's about the unexpectedness of it all. Race is a huge thing in the United States and I've been aware of my "whiteness" since I was a kid and, consequently, I've always hated what it means to me and to other people who view me as a (white) person. This man, whom I automatically had a stereotype attached to, completely blew my mind away with such a simple act of kindness.

I don't want it to seem that this man couldn't provide for himself or was destitue. He looked worse for wear, yes, but he didn't have to give me that money. He saw a person in need and helped out because he could. He might not have realized he was bridging the race gap, or he might have. Either way the race wall I have in my head (which I've been meticulously trying to take down since I was in middle school) recieved a severe and life-threatening blow last night. I will be saying 'thank you' to that man for a long time. I only hope I can pass on the good deed he gave me.

Never ever judge a book by its cover.

Being Wicked Never Felt So Good

Seriously...Wicked has got to be one of the best musicals I have ever seen. And that's saying a lot, considering I was born and raised at The Fox.

Words can not describe how great it was. I laughed, I cried, I went through every emotion one should when watching a performance such as this. And now my perspective on The Wizard of Oz has completely changed. I'm talking about a full 180 here. Just, haha. Wow.

I can't get over it. I haven't felt this good in a long time.

Anyway, I'm looking at tickets for this weekend right now-- I desperately want Erin and Lauren to see it (I know they would love it), but the outlook is grim. Ticketmaster is a bitch and I've always thought so. Stupid monopolizing piece of...

Can't Sleep

I've been looking at my ceiling for the past 40 minutes and I've come to two conclusions:

1. I have never ever been fully engulfed in total darkness. No matter what situation I have always been able to see, if only the slightest bit. My night vision is very good. I think it's all the carrots I eat.

2. I need to get out of the house more. This can be taken in a number of ways and is actually quiet a "loaded" conclusion. Example: I need to start making things happen instead of waiting for them to happen. Not quite sure what "things" are, but I certainly can't accomplish them if I'm inside the house at all times, now can I? Also, the weather has been extremely nice as of late.

Under The Tuscan Sun

Sigh. Damn you ABCFamily.

Weekend was fantastic. Got some stuff done, but nothing really relating to my Race/Ethnicity class. I'm still looking at graduate programs in Europe though, which is always a challenge. Central European University (in Budapest, Hungary) is an international school with a great human rights post-grad programme and is relatively cheap (compared to the schools in England).

I'm planning to start the painting sometime soon. I've put it off long enough and I really want to get it done.

Currently in a funk. Hoping it will end soon. It usually does.

One Year Anniversary

When I close my eyes and think of Italy, this is what I see:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8tHAjRRE2o




I can't believe it's been a year.

Donte's Inferno (The First Week of Maymester)

Donte, a short black man that could crush a baby's skull with one hand, has completely hindered my ability to walk. I appreciate his offer to be my personal trainer at the gym, but I think I would end up hating him, and not in the good "I hate him for pushing me to my full potential" but the "I hate him for making me feel excruciating pain for hours on end."

Regardless, Donte (yes, that's how you spell his name) is not on my A-list at the moment. The bastard. I can't sit down to pee without bracing myself and slowly (slowly) lowering down to the seat. Anyone that makes me do things which result in that very act should be deported to North Dakota. Forever.

Class is going great-- I'm finally used to waking up at 8am again and spending the next 2.45 hours learning about Racism and Ethnicity in America. It's an extremely interesting topic and we've been talking a lot about immigration. There are a couple of kids in the class that I dislike, but that's to be expected. One actually asked "Why do people always saying 'Blah Blah Blah happened to me because I'm black'"?

SIGH. Though the question could have been posed in a more...tactful way, it still sparked a very interesting (and slightly argumentative/heated) discussion, which I absolutely love. Haven't spoken up yet on a couple of things, mainly because I'm still getting a feel for the class and the teacher. I need to know what I'm dealing with before I start giving my opinions on issues like this. There's a good bit of conversative kids and today the prof asked us where we wanted to move after graduation (when talking about migration). About half said they wanted to stay in Georgia, and a good bit said they wanted to stay in the South.

Kill me. On top of that I'm the only person out of 30 who said they wanted to live out of the country.

Thought question:
If you could be reborn, which would you choose to come back as? and Why?
White Man
Black Woman
White Woman
Black Man

I chose a white woman, because there is honestly nothing I would change about my life. Not even my 'ginger' hair.

Happy Mother's Day!

This weekend can be classified in one word: amazing.

The Highlights:
going to the most awe-inspiring liquor/wine/beer store in the continental U.S. (Party Source in Newport, Kentucky)
having my Aunt Gail continuously getting me more gin and tonics
talking for hours with my favorite Uncle (John)
losing my voice
finding out Kevin and Dad kept tracking of "most annoying families" during the graduation ceremony
listening to my cousin Kevin's jokes (questionable in nature or not)
cooking for hours on end in order to feed 100+ people for my cousin's graduation party
listening the guy on the plane back talk in his sleep about his dog Stewart and burritos

Other News:
Lauren has moved in! Hell yeah. AND she's my life coach.
Painting/fixing up the house will commence soon.
Grey's Anatomy is bloody fantastic.

Fantastic

I have to agree with Lauren, life's pretty great right now.

As soon as I get back she will be moved into the house and we are making the biggest pot of Chilaco ever. And drink lots of wine.

We can never forget the wine.

Bought mom her present, though she's near impossibly to shop for. Driving to the airport now to meet the parents, then it's another 6-8 hours to Ohio.

All I have to keep me company is my dear friend Jeff Buckley, Rufus Wainwright, and Junior Senior. And my Disney soundtracks. And all the other 900+ songs I have. Oh, and books. Lots of books. I'm gone for two days and I'm bringing three. Something is wrong with that picture.

Call/text me while I'm gone. I'm going to need a connection to the outside world in one form or another.

Ohio Bound

Tomorrow I am going to Cincinnati for my cousin's (college) graduation and I can't wait. There's to be a fairly large get together/party and I know for a fact that drama will be had.

I love my family to death and would die for any of them, but I love watching the drama unfold.

My mom is part of a family of 6, with Grandma White at the head of the family. In order: John, Linda, Mom, Steve, Janis, and Marla. Steve and Linda live in Cincinnati, where Grandma also lives. Steve "takes care" of Grandma-- something I'm not really going to get into. I'll only say this: no one likes Steve, especially my Uncle Tom (Linda's husband).

To give you an idea of the tension between these two men: at my sister's wedding this last August they refused to sit at the same table, and basically argued (heatedly, I might add) over where Grandma was going to sit.

That poor woman. She's lived such an amazing life but I feel that no one appreciates her anymore. She's loved immensly, to be sure, but she's always put off to the sidelines during get togethers. "Mom, let me do that." or "You didn't have to cook all this!" or "You go sit down and we'll take care of it."

I'm to blame for this behavior also. Grandma is the major factor in my attendance for this reunion, mainly because Mom keeps saying she's 'not going to be with us much longer.' I despise this attitude and will make it a point to put my parents in their place if they mention it to me again. I'm also making it a point to hang out with Grandma while I'm there. That woman can play cards like no other. She has so many decks I wouldn't know what to do with them all.

Anyway, I'm only going to be up there for about 36 hours. In order to get back for Maymester classes I'm being flown back Sunday night. That's how bad my parents wanted me to go to this. It'll be great seeing everyone though-- it's been far too long.

But I can't wait for the drama. So much so I'm bringing the video camera. Huzzah.

Weather

So the weather right now is freaking me out. It's 8:30 but is still pretty light outside-- it looks like the sun is in a frozen state of setting. It's also windy as hell and raining.

But all is not lost, for I am in the safety of my lovly home watching Disney movies.

I am so glad the semester is over I want to cry. Now my time can be devoted to reading more books for Connecticut Camp, painting the kitchen, and enjoying Maymester in relative calm.

I also can't wait until Lauren moves in! The laughter will never stop.

Last Day of Junior Year Downtown

So last night is a pretty big blank. I remember a ton of bits and pieces but it's (once again) the chronology of events that elludes me.

Walker's, then Buddha Bar, then home. Doesn't sound like I could be forgetting much, but trust me, there's a lot.

Stayed a Walker's a good bit, chatted with a bunch of people, sat and talked with Julian (one of the workers who was in charge of karaoke) for a good 30 minutes, sang "Sweet Home Alabama," and and lots of other stupid things that drunk people do.

Let me back up a moment and say that I did not pick "Sweet Home Alabama." All I said (or remember saying) was that the song chosen needs to be one everyone can sing to. Lord please tell me I didn't pick that song. Oh, the shame.

Anyway, I can't find my camera anywhere and no one else I was with has it. We had it at Buddha Bar, which is the last place we went to, so hopefully it is still there. If someone stole it then I will be pissed, but it's my own fault. I've had the camera for years and it was getting pretty outdated (plus it was getting a little faulty here and there), but I'll still miss it terribly. It has a ton of pictures on it too. Block Party, D.C. trip/Rally, and all of last night.

Oh God, there's so many pictures on there. A lot of them could be used as blackmail, I think (such as the ones of people kissing and the horrible karaoke bit). I called the bar but they don't open till 8. Shoo.

Pride and Prejudice Day

I love the English. I especially like the BBC and any documentary they decide to make, particularly the one on the fine art of whistling (about the 31st international whistling championship). I think it's because I am a horrible whistler.

Anyway, this is fantastic. Today has been dubbed Pride and Prejudice Day. Sara and I watched the newest film (which I adore) and afterwards we decided to watch the BBC miniseries (with Colin Firth). We are currently 1/4 into the second disc.

And let me just say I haven't laughed this hard in a while. After watching the latest film with Judy Dench and Keira Knightly my image of the characters is slightly skewed (aka they are all beautiful). Regardless, the miniseries is quite good, but I'm finding myself laughing at the worst times. Elizabeth's constant blank stare, how Jane looks like a man with a wig, how Mary "needs a tan and wash her hair" (thank you, Erin), and how the women in the film somehow decided that orange was a good color to wear when together ("It looks puke exploded everywhere" says Sara). And don't get me started on the scene where Mr. Darcy's head is floating in the carriage window saying "I love you." Ha!

But Colin Firth makes the film very agreeable (can you tell I've been watching Jane Austen all day?). I despise Mrs. Bennet even more and constantly want to slap the younger sisters.

I must read this book as soon as possible. I'm addicted.

Hey Hey My My Yo Yo

I finally got my hands on the latest Junior Senior album. Here's a little sampling for all you out there who have no idea what I'm talking about.

http://rapidshare.de/files/19808925/03-can_i_get_get_get.mp3.html

TEARS OF JOY.

I just wanna dance now. Too bad Krush Girls doesn't go all weekend. Speaking of which, last night was great.

One last paper due and then I'm done for the semester. I can't believe the year went by so fast...wow.

I Will Never Sleep Again

There was the biggest effing cockroach in my bed this morning.

I got up to get some water and was sliding back into bed when BAM-- there's this giant black insect on my lovely white IKEA comforter.

I'm proud of my self for not freaking out (other than the loud "OH MY GOD"), but seriously....I can't sleep now. There's no way I force myself to get back in there without cleaning all the sheets. I have no idea where the little bastard's been and who knows how long he's been treking around in there.

(whimper)

I want to go sleep with Erin.

Under Pressure

This is not a post about how hard finals are, or how much work I have to do. There are thousands of other students at the unversity who are slaving away at the SLC, cramming information in to their sore brains for finals they have at 8am tomorrow morning.

I, on the other hand, have only one final. Italian at 7pm tomorrow, which I have yet to study for. It's so sad, but I don't even care about it. I'm just focusing on my papers at the moment.

But even those are a challenge. Not because I don't have the information or because the topics are hard-- the papers are a challenge because I am completley unmotivated. I write the best when I am under pressure and the feeling of being pressed for time hasn't hit yet. It'll probably be around noon tomorrow when I'll go "Shit. I gotta get to work."

I'm such an ungrateful student. I've had all this time to do my work but I can't seem to bring myself to just get it done. I'm still focusing on the amazing weekend I had and how it basically changed my life forever.

Good luck kids. You'll do great.

A Brit and an American Walk Into a Bar...

And proceed to talk for hours and drink the night away. Oh, and karaoke--can't forget that.

What a great night.

Lobbying, Workshops, and Rallies! Oh, My!

It took me a while to get on here and talk about the weekend, mainly because I had to get my daily lesson plans to Steve ASAP. I feel awful for sending them in so late--- there's absolutely no excuse for not doing them earlier. It's so much work that I feel like I'm over my head most of the time, but this weekend has proven to me that I'm doing the right thing with this class.

After this weekend I can honestly say I'm a different person, for the better.

Though I was only in D.C. for three days it feels like I've been gone for three months. We arrived at 2am on Friday and woke up four hours later to recieve Lobby training and listen to speakers (John Prendergast!). The rest of the day was walking around the Senate buildings and meeting wtih reps for Congressmen and Senators. (On a side note, the student group from Georgia was picked to be followed around by a documentary team).

Saturday was devoted to workshops and getting together with people from our respective states/regions to talk about how to reach out to the community and get people involved in the cause. We had this amazing guy that works with companies/firms in doing this very thing. This went into the afternoon, but after that we were free do to whatever. Anja, Kristen, and I went to the metro area and walked down the Nat'l Mall and saw the World War II memorial. We went into the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum for about an hour and upon leaving at closing time we vowed to come back tomorrow.

Sunday was the Rally and we were parked and walking around metro D.C. by 9:30. We skipped out on the brunch at Georgetown, mainly because we desperately wanted to get back to the Holocaust Museum (or at least I did). I have never been so utterly moved in my entire life. I was crying by the time we finished Daniel's Story, and the Hall of Remembrance was particuarly hard to deal with. Jodi had to leave the museum after a while because it was getting to be too much, and I don't blame her.

The great thing about the museum though is that it's jammed-packed with so much information you don't know what to do with yourself. I got a lot of great ideas for my class while I was walking through and even picked up several Identification Cards that I can give to my students. The cards are like those the Jews were required to carry during the Nazi regime, but inside it has the picture of the person, date of birth, and hometown. The rest tells the story of the person and what ultimately happened to him/her. Some lived and emigrated to another country, while in others they were murdered and/or died at a concentration camp. I have a great plan for these Identification cards and I know that my students will learn about religious persecution better with this hands-on activity.

I don't want it to sound like I am treating this ID cards as pieces of paper, because that is the last thing on my mind. These cards are people-- stories, families, lives that went through horrible and unimaginable circumstances. Each individual depicted in a card was a real person, as solid and real as you and me. 6 million Jews died in the Holocaust and on top of that the Roma and Disabled too. These cards tell their story, and hopefully each person that walks through those doors at the museum will know the life of at least one victim upon leaving.

Sorry, I'm in a negative mindset at the moment. I've been looking through my human rights books for the past six hours trying to find appropriate readings for class days and it's gotten to me a bit. Thank God for the journal though, right? This way I can get all the negative out and still maintain my sanity. I can only hope my students will feel the same about their journals.

Regardless of this lethargic attitude I have now, my mentality during the weekend was much, much different. Being able to Lobby with representatives and have people actually listen to what I was saying made me feel like I was really doing something. I was providing a voice to the voiceless. I was pushing my government to do something they have the power to do-- to help stop the senseless killing that's occuring in Darfur. To provide aid to the peacekeeping process. No one else is saying anything and people are blaming the UN for dragging its heels.

It's not the fault of the UN. It's the fault of the people, the bystanders. Governments won't act on things of this matter unless they think it's important to its constituents. Great Britain, France, Germany-- no one in the country is speaking out loud enough. The same is occuring here, but the Rally on Sunday was just another step in our push to get the U.S. to do something. In 2004 President Bush and Congress declared the situation in Darfur as "genocide" but they had yet to officially say this to the UN. It is only then---when they announce it to the UN--- that countries will be obligated to do something about it.

As of right now the Darfur Peace and Accountability Act has been passed. This is a great step, but it is not enough. It is only words and a small amount of money. We need action, and we need to give more money.

People are dying. In the time it will have taken me to write this whole post, at least 9 people will have been brutally murdered. By the time I wake up tomorrow families will have been torn apart, women raped and assaulted, and husbands killed right before their very eyes. At least 300 people are dying a day. Up to 400,000 have been murdered already, and 2 million people forced out of their homes with absolutely no where to go.

Yes, I'm preaching. Yes, I'm trying to make you aware. If you feel guilty for reading this or if you feel as if I'm trying to shame you into caring then that's your thing to deal with. I'm hear to make people aware of what's happening and to give suggestions on what people can do. That's what the workshops were all about-- to make the community aware of what's happening, to educate. There are a lot of people (old and young alike) that have no idea where Sudan is, let alone Darfur.

This weekend was amazing and I feel as if I am a better person for going. I think Kristen said it best though-- those that went now carry the burden of spreading the word back home. Not the easiest of tasks, mind you. If you got this far in the post then I appreciate you putting up with me on this.

Sites to visit:
www.savedarfur.org
www.gi.net

Both of those sites (particuarly the first one) is constantly updated on news that's coming out of the region and how to help. It could be as simple as putting your name on a postcard.

I can not wait to teach my class now. It just feels right. Like this is what I was meant to do all my life. To make people aware of things outside their lives, to push for action, to be an active citizen.

The events of a week ago feel as if they were months ago. The party, the weekend-- none of it seems to matter anymore--- it's all so inconsequential. It's amazing, isn't it? How much your life can change in three days.



"Silence condones: once awareness exists, it is unthinkable to remain silent."
Justice Richard Goldstone