An Important Announcement

Sufjan Stevens.
September 20th, 2006 (Wednesday)
The Fox Theater
Atlanta, GA


Please please please come with me. I don't even care if we've never talked-- I want someone to go with and would not rather experience him alone. Sufjan is too amazing to be seen without a friend and I'm hoping someone will want to join me. I'm buying my ticket no later than Friday, so if you want to go with just get in touch with me.

PLEASE SOMEONE COME WITH ME.


More random memories:
"I'm gonna laugh this one out."
NetIDs.
Rab.
The suffocating heat of the bathroom underneath Commons.
Staring.
iTunes.
Mailroom.
The MO.
Eye contact.
Story Time.

The End of the Middle

No, we will take your money and pick stuff up for you that is out of bounds. The is not in our job desription, so please don't ask us to do things like that for you. You are teenagers and a lot of freedom (and responsability) is being given to you. Benefit from it, don't abuse it by trying to make the staff your lapdog.


Okay, that's the main thing I had to vent about at the moment. The final three weeks have officially started.

Having all these new students come here is incredibly weird. I'm not sure whether to be excited about all the news kids or sad that my old ones are no longer here. It'll take them a couple of days to fall into the routine but they'll be fine. And I'll get over it. I've already talked to a handful and I'm constantly surprised by how incredibly intuitive and smart they are-- if only all their parents and the rest of the world would give them a chance. So far I've heard from a number of my girls that they constantly fight with their parents and they don't seem to feel sorry or remorseful about it. Hmm.

Seriously, it's weird as hell. I'm going to do my best to minimize my talking of past residents to these girls. They are completely different people and don't deserve to be compared to others they don't even know.

But Lord it's going to be hard, especially when three of them share the same names as the ones who just left. What are the odds?

The Beginning, The Middle....

The End has yet to come, but I'm having trouble comprehending the fact that I've been here for nearly a month. It's amazing how slow and fast time seems to go, especially here. Relationships are formed and broken much faster than they would in the outside world. One of my residents commented that these three weeks are in warp-drive. A normal week here is equal to two or three in the real world.

I'm inclined to agree.

Students are currently moving out and there were many tears last night at the last check-in. I know I'm going to bawl at the end of the summer (how am I going to say goodbye to everyone? I don't even want to think about it), but it was definitely hard not to cry with the girls last night.

While I'm looking forward to a brand new batch of kids coming here, it's going to be so hard getting used to new faces and names, especially when it comes to my residents. I adored my girls and there were never any problems--- I'm afraid karma is going to bite us in the ass and send us a group that will be completely awful (which I know is not the case, but it's still my fear).


Today will be spent checking people out, and then lots and lots of sleep. I'm exhausted.

This is What I Listen To At Five in the Morning

Matisyahu - Refuge
Sufjan Stevens - Pittsfield
Interpol - C'mere
Andrew Bird - Happy Day
David Bowie - Life on Mars
Sufjan Stevens - Chicago (all three versions)
Elliot Smith - Pitseleh
Portishead - Sour Times
Brand New - SoCo Ameretto Lime
Broken Social Scene - Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl
Royksopp - In Space
Joni Mitchell - A Case of You
Oh No! Oh My! - Walk in the Park
Young Rascals - How Can I Be Sure
Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Follow You Into the Dark
Rufus Wainright - Memphis Skyline


The majority of these songs were specifically picked because I've had them in my head throughout the day, while the rest happened to pop up due to the lovely suffle feature of my two-year-old-and-basically-falling-apart-music player (which I love dearly). I'm constantly amazed when I hear some of the students listen to the same music I am. I only wish I had been so wise at that age. I still kick myself for not branching out in my music earlier. Thank God for college.

For the past thirty minutes someone's cell phone has been ringing. I have no idea who would be calling someone at 5:08, 5:15, and 5:24 in the morning, but there phone is way too loud if I can hear it across the courtyard outside my window.

End of session is on Friday and students leave the following day. The final project for my class is going to be a giant Chalk Talk, which I know they are excited about. I'll have to put up pictures of the first chalk talk for all to see. I'm so proud of my kids-- they were wonderful at it.


5:33 and another call. I always think the worst when people call me either A) really late at night or B) really early in the morning. Does anyone else think that?

Memories

Falling asleep in the faculty lounge.
Dunk Tank.
Sweat.
90+ degree weather.
Falling asleep in said weather on school bus back from NYC.
Seeing The Producers on Broadway.
Jaywalkers.
Lanyards.
Giving up.
Never losing hope.
Sticking with it.
Knowing when to stop.

Trying Not to Blink

"life is life and it's currently hectic and stressful and fun and tiring all at the same time. love is love and i have it in many forms, but never the one i want."


Things are much better. Not great, but better. Went through a huge rut on Friday-- mainly outside life was coming into my job, something that I didn't want at all. I'm trying to work things out and thank God it's my day off tomorrow because Lord knows I've got a lot to do.

I feel like I haven't talked to anyone in days and I really miss it. I miss venting and ranting and laughing and being silent with people. I have close relationships with many people here and I consider them great friends, but... yeah. Nevermind, it's not important. I only need one person to talk to, not the world.

I miss comfortable silences. So much. Sometimes I just miss being quiet. It's never quiet here.

I have also never been as hot or as sweaty in my entire life as I was today. It was also the first time I ever rode on a school bus and Lord is it hot as hell on those things. Tomorrow it's supposed to get up to 100 degrees+. I'm going to have to take my students outside in the shade because we will die if we stay inside the classroom for the whole time.

Here's to hydration. Cheers.

Thoughts

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

Germany. No money. Backpacking still? Want to but can I? Life after graduation: peace corps? Law school? No school? Work in a school? Closer: fall. Lease, sublease, no lease, break lease. Money, no money. Money must be paid. Need to talk. Need to be there. Outside life coming into inside life. Can't deal. Will deal. Deal tomorrow.

Ha. Not just outside. Must deal with inside. Nothing to deal with. Myself.


So so so so so bone dead tired. Dead tired. Dead dead dead dead dead.



Please wake up.

Today

Well that's just great.


This effing blows.

Several Points I'd Like To Make

1. The weather is currently awful. I could probably drink the air it's so saturated with water at the moment.
2. Geoff was so right. They are starting to breach the line hardcore.
3. First migrane ever yesterday.
4. Big day in class today. Here's hoping my plan works.
5. Issues (and not the good kind) with Germany are arising in the forms of
a. my parents
b. housing situation for Spring Semester
6. I'm starting to like MACs, but still yearn to right-click and will continue to always double-click.
7. I am confused and anxious about many things, but this isn't one of them. The word "this" is meant to be in italics, but of course I have no idea how to do that on a MAC (add to number six).

Current Mood: Whatever

Saw a man past ABP around 6pm today in nothing but swim shoes, a red speedo, and a vest.

That pretty much was the highlight of my day.

Okay, so maybe that's a lie. It was a good day, just incredibly busy and long. Lots of work needed to be done in the main office, especially with the mail room. Lord have mercy do these parents love their kids. I want packages upon packages. It was a lot to go through and I know for a fact that some people are still working on it all right now.

Let's see...
Class is going well. Tomorrow my CA is going to observe me and see how I'm doing. I'm getting up early to go over lesson plans but tomorrow is an area that I studied so much I know I won't have trouble talking about it. Guatemala is an interesting case study and I've got a lot of information for the students to digest, but I know they can handle it. They have been so good with everything so far--- I love my students. They keep me going.

I miss people back home, especially after some of the comments left/emails recieved. Thanks to everyone that is reminding me that there is a life outside of this. Sometimes I forget and need a nudge to bring me back to reality. Still have a good number of weeks to go-- something that makes me happy and sad at the same time.


What else, what else?
1. Dyed my hair darker, though it's only temporary. It's the same thing I did in Italy, so I'm beginning to think that every summer I spend away from home I'll be doing this.
2. Knee pain is starting to come back full force and I don't have my brace, so I got a pressure band bandage at the Wal. Once again, just like in Italy.
3. Ended up staying in town for the game and watched it with some staff memebers at a local pub. Talk about amazing. Next weekend will be NYC (or maybe Boston, I'm still having trouble deciding).

That's it. Dream from last night didn't continue-- instead I had one about people from Athens.

Note to Erin: where did these crazy cats come from? If they have diseases and are making strange faces/noises you should definitely call someone about that. Either that or hit them with the car.

My Arm For A Dream Dictionary

The Dream:

graves, a "scripes" book of dead people/tombstones, many coworkers (though one in particular), lots of driving, hiding things in the ground, rain/puddles, and a big campus/hotel type building where everyone was staying, forensics of somekind, underlying tension.


Back to sleep. Hopefully a continuation will occur and an answer will be found?

Sit Me Down. Shut Me Up. I'll Calm Down.

http://www.thestrokes.com/media/audio/IllTryAnything%20Once.mp3


I really do like this song. Thank you again.

It's 1 in the am here but it's loud as hell. I can hear people talking, music playing somewhere, a car alarm that goes off at the slightest disturbance, the fire alarm beeping upstairs on the fifth floor, and the motorcycle gangs drive by in the distance. "Gangs" is a relative term in this case, because I honestly doubt they go around terrorizing people. Older men with long grey beards on Harley's are not scary. They are sad.

Today was the longest day so far and I'm about to pass out and sleep for fifteen hours. Worked in the MO (main office) from 9am-11pm, with a handful of breaks in between. I honestly don't know how some of the other staff do it. I would have died today if it hadn't been for them.

Tomorrow is my first whole day off and I'm torn about what to do/where to go. First of all I'm definitely sleeping in. These 5-hour nights aren't doing it for me. Maybe I'll just bum around here or go to the movies? World Cup final is tomorrow and I need to find a place to watch it-- maybe a pub in town? Hell, I should just hop on the train and go to Little Italy tomorrow to watch it there. Hmm...

Sleep now. Talk later. Give me a call if you guys want! I'm trying to keep contact with the outside world but it gets harder with each week. Last night I went out with Bstaff and we had a fantastic time. Erin just informed me that Krush Girls was tonight at 40 watt and I'm incredibly sad. Oh, to be at 40 watt.

The Rise and Fall

I got Cologne.

I'm going to Germany in the Spring to do my student teacher at an international school. I'll be in Germany for a 12-week placement.

I'm so happy I'm trembling. Borderline tears, even.



That was me twenty minutes ago. Now I'm at the point where I'm about to find a corner and cry out of frustration instead of happiness. Called Mom and this is what I got:

"We need some numbers."
"I'm glad it's not Africa."
"We'll think about it."

She wasn't even happy for me. She kept asking how it would interfere with graduation but who gives a shit about that when I'll be in Cologne, Germany. Teaching.

If there's one thing I've learned from my 1.5 weeks here it's that I love teaching. I love guiding student and teenagers towards new ideas and helping them realize that the world is a lot bigger than anything they could ever imagine.

I want to do this. I need to do this.

And instead of excitement and congratulations I get "Karen, you should really call after nine or on the weekends. I don't want the phone bill to be like it was before."

Honestly. Just...GOD. Be happy for me! Don't you realize that this is my dream? I know deep down you are and that this is kind of a sudden thing call you about, but you knew. You knew that I would be finding out at the end of June because I told you so before I left. Did you think I wouldn't get it? Were you praying I wouldn't? I know you're scared to let me go and that your fears of me never returning are pretty well-founded, but know that I will come home when this is all said and done. I'm not going to leave you. I love you. Please be happy for me. I need you to be happy for me.

I need you to let me go.

That is All

Physical contact and hugs are a necessary part of life. Without them I would waste away.


Just fyi.

Time For A List (Or Two). In No Particular Order.

Things I Miss from Home:

1. Big City Bread at 11am on Sundays because there's no way in hell we're waking up any earlier than that.
2. Erin's stories which only further convinces me that crazy people really are attracted to her.
3. My white bed and teal walls.
4. Athens.
5. Themed Parties.
6. Being able to quote Dane Cook and have people understand what I'm talking about.
7. Midnight Kroger runs only to stand in line for 45 minutes and see a fight break out.
8. The people (you know who you are).
9. Five Star Day Cafe (I would kill for a Hoppin' John right about now).
10. 40 Watt (an umbrella for the following: Krush Girls and any/all concerts).

Things I love about Here:

1. The people (so many I couldn't begin to list them all).
2. The campus.
3. My CO-RA Gina, who reminds me of Cheryl in freakishly cool way.
4. The fact that I'm teaching and I love it, which I knew deep down I would.
5. My residents, who are always on time.
6. Reread number one.
7. Being more open than I have in a long time.
8. Banter.
9. The MO (but also the DO, PO, CO, and the SO).
10. Reread number five and one, because honestly, it's worth putting on here three times.

Stream of Consciousness

I want to write about everything and nothing at the same time.

Life is camp and camp is life. It's hard to separate the two at the moment and I've found myself falling into routine easier than I'd like. I'm not the biggest fan of routine and if I stay this way too long then I'll get restless. Thank God for main events and hanging out with on-duty people. Especially the latter. Since I haven't been assigned to duties it's always fun to tag along and interact more with everyone instead of staying cooped up. Cabin fever will set in soon and the need to leave campus will hit soon. I'm surprised my need to go explore hasn't come out yet.


Class is going well. Hannah heard some students saying good words about it so that basically made my entire day. Some of the students I know I'm connecting really well with and I can see the ideas and questions floating around in their minds, while with others my view is a little blurry. They're interested, but they aren't talking. It's only been two days. Here's hoping that day three will be that much better than the last.

Yesterday was the 4th and I didn't do anything to celebrate, which I'm slightly sad about. The 4th is a big thing for my family, usually because I'd be in Ohio grilling out, playing cornhole, shooting off bottle rockets, and burning myself on sparklers. Alas.

Knee is starting to bother me again. It's like last summer all over again.

Sleep is for the Weak

And I am currently one of those people. I have never been more excited and exhausted at the same time before. Move in, check-ins, first day of classes, getting everything in order and constantly moving around has taken it's toll on me and I'm looking forward to a nice long sleep (read: seven hours).

I've been going over lesson plans for a while so it's my own fault for my less-than-stellar sleep record. I felt my first class went well-- we talked about race, stereotyping, course objectives, and all that good stuff. The students were engaged and everyone talked at least once. After tomorrow's activity they will be well on their way to opening up and bonding with everyone else.



I don't think I've ever been this busy in my entire life. I love it.

Another Day Gone

Orientation ends tomorrow and the kids come on Sunday! Huzzah! The excitment is finally setting in and tomorrow everyone is going through a big move-in/check-in scenario.

Things still going very well. Love the people (as I will be saying continuously) and have no qualms yet. Still worried about my class, but everyone here is so encourging and resourceful that it's hard to stay terrified for long.

Finally moved into my place fully (they put a couch in here!). I'll need to take pictures and post them for everyone to see. It's all very nice and I can't get over it. I'm in New England. Who knew I'd ever be saying that?

Anyway, sleep. Tomorrow is another day and tonight was...interesting. In a good type of way though.



ps. deleted my New England blog. After talking with people about it, reading the policy about it, etc I've decided that it's for the best. I'll keep you guys updated on stuff going on and how the class is going, but don't expect much.