What. The. Fuck.

I have never been so scared and angry in my entire life. At this moment I'm trying to think of a time where I've felt this way before and I'm coming up blank. I still can't believe that these students would do this.

I am so disappointed in these kids right now that I honestly can't wait to see them leave. First session was so different (read: better) in terms of students breaking the rules that it's kind of ridiculous. Was it the freedom they experience during most of the summer and then coming to a camp where rules were enforced? I'm trying to think of why first session and second session are so different (at least in my mind) and nothing is adding up.

About an hour ago I woke up to the sounds of kids screaming bloody murder. Dead asleep it takes a good minute for the sound to register and then I'm out of my bed in pure panic wondering if there's a fire or a killer on the loose. I had no idea why people were screaming like that because I didn't think these kids would do something like this.

I guess I overestimated their character. My girls and I talked about trust issues tonight and how the staff doesn't give them the benefit of a doubt in most circumstances. Not true, but in my mind I do give the students the right to explain themselves. I've just been lied to so many times by some of them when I clearly saw one act or another occuring that my faith has diminished somewhat. Thank God for those that live up to their responsabilities and follow the guidelines set up. Thank God for the ones who treat others with respect and realize that they will be treated with respect in turn.

If it wasn't for these students then I would say that stereotypes about teenagers are true. They are rude, disrespectful, ignorant, arrogant, selfish people that think they are above anything put before them and can run amuck without a care of the consequences, good or bad. I worry for those that do fall under this generalization, because they will learn of their shortcomings the hard way.

Being a teenager is one of the hardest things people go through. I'm just glad I made it out alive. I never did things these kids are doing, but I know plenty of people that did. These students complain about a lack of respect, or a lack of trust rather. Tonight's events are pretty much evidence that they deserve neither.




As an end note, I want to make it clear that this post is for a minority of the students here. All are amazing and unique and gifted in their own ways, but a good number of them still have a lot to learn, especially when it comes to respecting themselves, peers, and adults. I still have a lot to learn myself, but at least I know how to live up to my mistakes and when I break rules or get in trouble. I don't try to make excuses or beg for mercy. To me, that's one of the biggest differences between an adult and a teenager. Admitting when you're at fault and dealing with the consequences.

God, I'm still mad. I was so scared that something bad was happening to the kids that I ran straight outside, only to realize that it's all a joke and they wanted to get everyone all riled up. Words can not describe my level of disappointment.