has it really been a week?

so i'm in italy and it hasn't sunk in yet. it's a combination of things really, each too complex to explain or for me to even understand. it'll hit me on the plane ride back, i'm sure, but i want it to hit me now. everyone is having their moments when it just HITS THEM and i haven't.

i want my moment. i thought i did. i almost did. but then i realized that i didn't and i want it.

the town is in one word, amazing. i can't get over how beautiful it is here. if only everyone could wake up the the view i do. i feel a lot people would be happier for it.

in the first email i sent out i wrote "i miss you all and think of you often." i realized later that was a lie. i do think of people from back home often, but i don't miss them. i really don't. hell, i barely miss my parents (i've only talked to mom once, and that was to say i got in okay). once again this lack of missing people has made me realized that my growing independence is reaching magnificant proportions. i'm going to pisa tomorrow on a day trip. i'm most likely going to have to travel from roma to napoli by myself in a couple of weeks. all this travelling and just depending on yourself puts everything into perspective. there's not much to do on a train but think and read, read and think. i've been doing a lot of thinking and i've decided that no, i don't miss anyone back home. i do think of people often (especially when i see something that reminds me of him or her), but that's as far as it goes. that's as far as i want or need it to go.

you know in the first season of real world it was all "who's going to kiss who?" and now it's "who's going to fuck on the first night"? well, welcome to real world montepulciano, complete with hook ups and the international walk of shame. i'm happy to say that this isn't about me at all, but about others in the program. granted, i don't know the whole story or what exactly went on with who, but come on people, what ever happened to good ole fashioned sexual tension? if you're going to fool around with someone wait a week or something, don't go at it the first freakin night. i love sexual tension, but some people are too impatient.

everyone is emailing me back saying "i'm so jealous you're in italy, blah blah blah. talk to you later" and while that's nice, it's not what i want. i really do want to know what's going on with people's summers. i don't know what i want really, but it's not six emails saying "find a hot italian boy for me."

tuesday i go to rome (already been there twice) and then thursday it's florence. i'm most excited about the latter because i get to see the replica of the david (which will have to tie me over until i see the real thing). i'm going to have to go back to rome one day to go to the bourgese gallery, since that field trip turned into a bust. everything here is so overwhelming and beautiful that it feels like it's choking me, but in a good way. i don't know how to describe it. i know i could never describe what i see-- i could never do it justice-- so i'll just have to describe how i feel instead.

lauren is helping me with my journal, which i'm happy about. i may even have dr. price look at some stuff. i want to look back on it in 20 years and have it mean something to me, instead of just a book with words and events that are unneccesary.

okay, it's time to head out. i'll probably update in a week or so.

-karen

ps.- i had to change the time of the entry so it's local time here. i'm about to eat dinner and everyone else back home is either getting off their lunch break or sitting at home doing nothing. 6 hours. wow.

5000 miles

so from macon to rome is 5005 miles.

slightly more than i thought, but at the same time i'm not surprised.

anyway, i'm all packed up and ready to go now. i suppose this would be a good point to say goodbye, but i'm not going to. i've come to the conclusion that i really don't like goodbyes (especially when i'm saying it to a collective group-- it seems to lose meaning). so yea, i'll be back in 5 weeks.

see you then.

ps. i'm going to leave my information here just in case (of what? i have no idea):

cell number: +39 3357129468

address:
Karen Marshall
Georgia Study Program
Cooperativa "Il Sasso"
Via di Gracciano nel Corso, 2
53045 Montepulciano (SI)
Italy

leaving on a jet plane

so i was prepared to have this be the "holy shit i'm going to italy" post, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. or more correctly, it doesn't feel like that's going to happen.

for some reason i'm not freaking out. i'm not going into panic mode and i'm not throwing up at the thought of being on a plane for over 5 hours (and over an ocean, for that matter).

i'm not quite done packing yet-- 90% there. i just have to get little stuff together. i just finished putting some pictures on my music player, so i'm happy about that (the all make me laugh).

anyway, i'm leaving here tomorrow morning at 11 and groome (a transportation service and no, i don't know why they call it that) is dropping me off at the airport and then my flight leaves at 4:05. there's a layover in frankfurt and then it's off to rome. after that a train to a small town (chiusi) and then after that it's a bus ride to montepulciano.

i'm going to try to do audioposts while i'm in italy using my cell (thanks to lindsay for the idea), but not that many. keep checking back anyway.

okay, off to walmart to pick up a couple of more things. then sleep.

edit (and other stuff)

whew. okay. i edited this post mainly due to two reasons:

1) i didn't want mom or dad finding this. it's one thing to vent and rant, but if they were to find this then all hell would break loose. i had said that my dad does not intimidate me (which is really a half-truth), but if he were to find that post then i would be dead. beaten and left to die in my room.

2) the post is very insulting to my mother. it makes her sound like some weak submissive wife that lets her husband get away with anything and that's not true. my mom is one of the strongest women i know, and one of the most patient. she knows how to handle my dad better than anyone, even if that means letting him get his stubborn self-centered way.

*cough* i feel that if i don't change topics soon then i'll just get started again, so i'm going to talk about other things going on:

locked my keys in my car (second time in 4 years. i like to think my record is pretty good)
went to see hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy with sarah
started to pack for italy
my partner has yet to email me back about homework for the classes
bravo is having a west wing marathon all week
getting my euros tomorrow

and now to leave you with my favorite part of hitchhiker's guide:

the whale scene

hell, i'll also add this, but only because it's such a catchy tune (hope you have some time on your hands when watching this one):

so long and thanks for all the fish

complications

i don't even know where to fucking start with this, so we'll just go in the order everything happened within the past two hours:

-yesterday i recieved from uga a HOPE check for $996. i thought this was weird and was wondering why it didn't go to columbus state (where i'm signed up for my italy classes)

-called columbus state today and low and behold my classes have been dropped due to non-payment

-i panic and start to freak out for a good five minutes

-i then call the registrar's offic there and talk to them about with, after yelling at my mom to shut up because i CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT WHEN I'M TRYING TO TALK ON THE PHONE AND PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO ME AT THE SAME TIME. especially when i'm about to cry and/or snap at any second. it just not a good combination so please, never do this to me. i will scream at you.

-apologized to mom, who then proceeded to frustrate me even more (even though she meant well).

-called the center for international edu again and talked things out with them (i had to wait an hour to call because everyone was in a meeting. how nice). they will register me again on monday and i will pay for the classes online as soon as they show up on their site.

*deep breath*

holy fuck. i'm wound so tight right now it hurts to move. this is all my fault though. i should have checked a long time ago to make sure everything was fine, but i didn't and now it's causing me nothing but stress and grief. you would think that with something as important as this trip that i would be on top of things, but nooo. i had to fuck around and not double check.

but God, for an hour there i really thought i wouldn't be able to go to italy. hell, i still won't be completely settled until everything is taken care of. i don't even want to think about what i would have done if i couldn't have gone. waiting until monday is going to be absolute hell.

i need a hug.

*sigh*

this is going to be harder than i thought. the count is up to 4 times today. first time for everything i suppose.

let me also remark that i hate spiders with a passion. little fuckers.





countdown: 8 days and 15 hours and 19 minutes.

going...home?

i don't know why, but i stopped calling macon 'home' a long time ago. i remember when i was visitng my parents last year and i called athens 'home' and my mom just looked at me. living in one spot for 9 months out of the year will do that to you.

things that are on my mind right now (in no particular order):
my grades
how much dane cook rocks
my room is very dusty
i wish i was laying outside watching the tress move
i need to wash my nalgene
i almost wish i had an iPod
italy
what to pack for italy
what to bring to italy
what to buy for italy
italy
italy
italy
the lack of people in macon when i get back
my parents
my mom's cooking
what my message is going to be for my cell phone while i'm gone
my grades
people leaving
say goodbye
packing, unpacking, repacking
my sister's wedding and kevin's question of "will there be alcohol?"
dreams and what they mean (if anything at all)
my friends
my life

there's more, but dad's here and it's time to move out.

huh

there's too much to say about last night so i'm not going to say anything at all. i'm just going to laugh and shake my head instead, which is bascially what i've been doing all day.

deep breaths

so after trying to concentrate at the slc for a couple of hours i've realized that i overreacted and am not mad anymore (to be honest i had no right to be in the first place. i'm still not sure why i reacted the way i did). instead i will be supportive and will no longer bitch about things, because that's the last thing anybody needs.

also, the slc can be a very fun place at 2 in the morning. things are a lot funnier then, that's for sure. and people are a lot more paranoid too.


countdown: 13 days!

thank God, because right now i really need to get away from all this (take that as you will). by the time i get back things will have settled down and then i can start to worry about next year. like how i'm going to have to learn to adjust to new places (the house), new people (living with three girls instead of one), and also a lack of people (not living in the middle of campus with all my friends around me).

stupid piece of

there are no word to describe what i'm feeling right now. i don't know whether to laugh or cry.

once again, you're one of the FEW people you can get my riled up. rest assured that i'm going to continue to bitch for quiet some time. and if i had a car i hope you know that i would drive over there and kick your ass in a heart beat.

but i'm not going to think about it anymore. or at least i'll try not to.

i'm definitely going to have to see you before i leave for italy now-- by the time i get back you could be in south dakota herding sheep (or whatever the fuck they do there).

restless

can't sleep (again).

i've already been up for an hour.

this is getting ridiculous.






countdown: 15 days.

if that's the way it is, then that's the way it is

where the hell did the year go? at times it seems like it's gone by way too fast, but then i think about stuff that happened over the course of this year and it makes me feel old. going to the ga/fl game with jamie and kristen feels like years ago, whereas going to the jump concert at morton feels like a couple of weeks ago.

and speaking of jump, i'm very happy to say that i got another show in before the year ended. granted, people said it wasn't great as the athens one and they didn't play some songs i wanted, but it was still good nonetheless. i'm pretty much sold on the fact ward is my favorite (the cello!), followed my johnny (the mustache!) and jay (the dreamy voice!). matt is amazing because you can't help but watch him and evan looks like he's sweating buckets in the back he's playing so hard.

miscellaneous information about the weekend:
picked out a dress for the wedding (same as the other bridesmaids, indigo/royal blue color).
hung out with kids from tech
watched some movies
bought some stuff for italy

oh God. italy is in 17 days. it turns out that my parents can't take me to the airport so i'm taking groom up from macon. i don't know whether to be happy or sad about that. on one hand i won't have to hear "now be careful. do this, don't do that. be safe. did you remember this? wait, let's go back and check just to be sure" while on the other they won't see me off--no one will. i imagined my mom and i crying at check-in and then me turning around to wave at them as i get in the hour-long security check. i won't have anyone to wave to and it makes me very sad. i'm going to be on my own for this one and it scares the shit out of me. i couldn't be more excited, but as of right now, right this very minute i'm scared to death and i don't want to get on that plane.

but i'm going to, no matter what. i'll get over this fear (or i won't) and i'll get on the plane and start an exciting new chapter in my life. i'm going to make the most out of this trip and i won't have time to be scared or worried or anxious.

*sigh* i wish i had someone to wave at though.