stress

i was mad last night. really, really mad. it takes a lot to get me to that point and only a few people have been able to get me there. my family is on the top of that list.

but then i got a call from my sister and realized that i shouldn't be mad. or at the least i shouldn't be taking this so seriously. i'm not helping anyone by crying over something like this and i need to suck it up and move on. mom is way too stressed to deal with my bitching so i'm just going to do what they want. saturday i'll go and try on the dresses they want and hope that the one we end up with isn't too horrific. but i'd like to point out now that when my wedding comes around this process will not be as difficult (i.e., i won't have 7 fucking bridesmaids).

i hate how there's so much i want to say but i don't know how to say it (or i can't because of the people who read this). all i can say is thank God i have another journal or i'd die. writing is very calming. it's almost like all your worries are sliding down your arm, out your fingers, and into whatever your writing (or typing) on. i can literally feel everything draining away from me. it's a lot like listening to music. if i find the music that suits my mood then i'm set. all my stress just dissolves.

but for the past couple of days this hasn't been working out too well. there's just too much going on in my head to really write down and some of the stuff i don't even want to think on, let alone write about. the stress is starting to buildup and all i want to do is either sleep or avoid my room and stay outside forever.

God, i can't wait to get out of here. everything is going to be different and better and new and a thousand other words that i can't think of right now.