intention vs. action

i went to macon this weekend to see my family in order to save my mind. i'm glad i went and i had a pretty good time while i was there, save for saturday. it wasn't any fault of theirs, but my need to get back to athens was getting stronger and stronger the more they talked about stuff i didn't care about. honestly, i don't care about economist walter williams. i don't care if you think the red lobster and the ocean spray craneberry commercials are hilarious.

i think i'm too picky when it comes to my parents. i love them to death and they are some of the smartest and funniest people i know, but i can only handle so much. so on saturday i made up some excuse that would take me back to athens and i was out the door by 8pm. around 8:20 the guilt had pretty much taken hold and i had to turn back-- i couldn't get the look of disappointment my mom had out of my head.

sigh. part of me wishes i had just come back here, but the other part of me is glad i turned around and stayed. so what's worse? the intention of wanting to leave (and making up a complete lie to do so) or actually following through with it?

in other news i have become obsessed with wanting a pet. indiana is a great cat and i miss her a lot, but i can't bring her back here. she belongs to my parents now and i honestly think that they need her more than i do.


ps. the libertine is not a movie to be viewed in the company of family. the full realization of this hit me when the midget riding the giant dildo was being pushed across the screen. or it may have been in the first ten minutes when johnny depp (cough) violates his wife during a carriage ride.