the fastest hour

the fastest hour is from 11:05pm and 12:05am.

during this sixty minute period time speeds up at an amazing rate. i keep thinking the clocks in the house are playing tricks on me, but no; an hour has passed and i seem to have missed it.

it's been like this for the past week or so-- i happen to glance at the clock and it's 11:05 and the next time i look a hour has passed. why does this time pass so quickly? i'm not doing anything terribly exciting. the past couple of nights have been spent reading and before that it was a movie or talking with someone. i thought the expression was "time flies when you're having fun." "fun" has not been the adjective of choice for late nights since i've been back. more like "bland."

i'm slightly disappointed, to tell the truth. i almost feel like i'm being cheated by time. like people who race through things the closer they get to the end, i feel like time is rushing the day's last hour so it can start all over again and relax.

i should be thankful though. some people would love to have time fly by for them. maybe i'm just fortunate enough to have time look out for me. it knows how much i want to get out of here and back to my friends and to my new home.

huh, i think i just went through the five steps of healing. shock (wow, look how fast the time went by), denial (did that really happen? i can't believe it's been an hour), anger (i want my time back), acceptance (can't do anything about it). check, check, check, check. yea, i went through them all.

.....

do you ever get the feeling like you're waiting for something? i can't seem to shake the feeling. the past couple of nights i've had this dream (more like a snippet, really) and all i can remember is looking at a calendar and seeing the date July 21st. is something supposed to happen on that date? to me, or to someone else? something big or something small? what the dream dictionary says:

calendar: most dreams involving calendars signify gradual reduction of worries. it also denotes that you are well-organized and well-prepared

july: to dream of the month of july foretells of gloomy outlooks followed by unexpected pleasure and good fortune.

twenty-one: the number twenty-one represents a turning point in your life and your transitional into adulthood. it is also associated with the responsibilities that you need to own up to.

hmm...so all in all things aren't looking too good but they'll get better. on top of that i'm becoming an adult and need to embrace the obligations that come with that title. sounds about right, but something is still missing. guess i'll have to wait until the 21st to find out what.