disappointing

i'm not going to write about the fantastic time i had last night and how happy i was that i got to see everyone at the party. i'm not going to talk about the random crazy events of the trailer trash party (like the outfits, the makeouts, the keg stands, the costume awards, the power outage, or the permanent marker tattoo that's still on my arm). that post will have to wait.

i am so upset right now that i can not talk. i refuse to speak for fear that i'll just ending up screaming or crying due to the lack of understanding my parents have when it comes to the going-ons in my life.

at the party i slipped on the rain/beer drenched porch and hit the base of my head on the edge of one of the benches, passed out for about 5 seconds, and then woke up to kenny, simon, anja, and some other people i can't remember hovering over me.

i didn't start feeling the pain until this morning and it was getting worse as the day wore on. erin, and sara felt that i should get it looked at (concussions are not something to be brushed aside like nothing) and instead of my parents being concerned for my well-being or asking if i was okay they completely focused on the fact that i had been drinking (they asked and i wasn't going to lie to them). they are acting like a situation such as this would NEVER occur if i had been sober. my mother basically called me an excessive drinker ("more than 1 drink an hour") and my father (upon finding out that my brain was not falling out of my head) complained about how much the bill was going to be and said that i should consider the consequences of drinking. even before going to the hospital he asked me how i knew the "pain in my head wasn't from hitting it but drinking too much booze the night before."

jackass.

i couldn't stand talking to my mother about it anymore and told her i would call tomorrow and then hung up. i can't stand it when people cry on the phone and i knew that nothing i could possibly do or say would change their view of the situation.

it's just...they didn't call once. they didn't call at all while i was at the doctor to see how things were going. anja sent a ton of text messages and while that may not seem like much it meant a lot. sara and erin were very concerned and my gratitude for them being with me for the whole thing is too great to describe.

and then mom says that she didn't even know i was at the doctor's at all because dad never told her until after she got home and took a shower.

fucking jackass.

i want to scream so loud right now it makes me want to vomit. but instead i'm stuck here stewing in my own anger and bitterment for (what seems to me) my parents lack of understanding that there's a difference between drunk and acting drunk.

they are handling this in a manner that is so wrong that it makes me want to become an alcoholic just to spite them.

all they saw was that i had been drinking and i had hurt myself. drinking + karen = injury, irresponsability, and complete lack of self control. not once did they ask if i was okay or scared or in pain. they didn't even seem worried.

that's what hurts the most.

so after 5 1/2 hours at st. mary's, 2 cat scans (one for my head and neck) and 3 x-rays later i'm happy to say that nothing is broken or bleeding. it still hurts like a bitch though and probably will for a while. i was really lucky though because the injury could have been a lot worse. i could have really broken my neck (which is what they thought for a little while there due to some x-rays) and ended up paralyzed. and you know what dearest mother and fahter? i did learn my lesson.

always wear shoes.