no day but today

it's been a while since my last post and a lot has happened since then. thanksgiving has come and gone, but for that i am thankful. it didn't feel like thanksgiving at all and being in orlando in 77 degree weather didn't fill me with novemberish holiday glee. stayed at cheryl's place and realized how much she hasn't grown up in the past six years. don't get me wrong, it's a great place, but you can tell that both she and eric are trying to mesh their stuff together as best as possible, but to no avail.

they just have too much shit. and most of it is cheryl's.

the thing about my sister is that she saves everything. and when i mean everything, i mean everything. she has a whole bookshelf devoted to every stuffed animal she has ever owned because she doesn't want to give it up. all the posters she has ever had are rolled up and put in the corner, and don't even get me started on the dolls my grandmother gave the two of us starring eerily down at the bed from atop the highest shelf on the dresser (which is my white one i had growing up. i was happy to see it go).

even if they had a bigger place, there would not be enough room for all their stuff. i need to talk to cheryl about it, because i think eric is just too nice to say otherwise. he loves her and if that means he has to deal with all of her childhood memorabila he'll do it. i'm her sister so it's my duty to tell her she's most likely torturing her husband.

the dinner itself was okay, but i becagan to feel ill later in the day. i skipped out on the disney festivities early in the evening and saw RENT and Just Friends instead. both were great (the latter surprisingly so), and i really want to see the play of RENT now. when i told dad i saw it he got that look on his face. it's the same one a friend of mine had when he asked if i had seen any movies over the break. "what's it about?" another friend asks. "the one about the gays" the first answers.

i'm sorry, what the fuck did you just say?

i'm not going to get into that. my rant about attitudes towards homosexuality can (and will be) saved for another time and place. just know that the conversation we had was polite and no harsh words were spoken. i was generally interested in knowing why he felt the way he did and i got my answer. i didn't like it, but i got it, and deep down i understood. i don't think it's right (in fact the when he said a certain phrase i hear all-too-often it physically pained me), but i respect his decision to think the way he does.

the weather today was absolute shit. we're in that transition between winter and fall where everything is either dying or is already dead. it's gray clouds and wind, falling leaves and stagnant puddles of cold water. but i bundle up in my warn-in scarf and funky gloves, listen to my lastest obsession (the RENT original score), and smile because it's almost christmas and i am content. not happy, but very content. i don't know when i'll cross over the line back to happy, but i hope it will be soon. there's something missing right now and, though i have a feeling i know what it is, i'm not going to go looking for it. i'm tired of looking. i ache from looking. i'm not going to let opportunities pass me by, but for a while i'm going to stop trying to create them myself. step back and let see where the wind takes me and all that.

we are having a christmas party at the house soon, one that will be very different from our usual gatherings. strictly dress up, wine, champagne, fondue, holiday music, and mistletoe galore. we're going to decorate the house this weekend, and with the $25 target gift certificate i won tonight at poker it's sure to look great. i love this time of year.

i need to talk to my friends more. these past two weeks have been hectic, but it's my fault for pushing so much aside and saving it for later. lives are changing and i'm not there to bear witness, and for that i'm sad. i'm starting my new years resolution of calling people more often a month early.

oh, funny thanksgiving story time:

i was trapped in my parents car for an hour while they were shopping. it was late and i was feeling like shit, so i decided to sleep in the car while they looked around, but a couple of minutes after they left i decided to deal with it and go with. i go to unlock the door and the alarm starts going off. i'm talking full-fledged alarm with flashing lights, honking, and the overhead light on. i think that was the worst because everyone in the parking lot could watch me scramble around and try to stop it/get out, to no avail, of course. i just remember looking out the back and seeing a little boy with his hands over his ears and looking at his dad, who in turn was looking at me like i was crazy.

after much button pushing, door shoving, and cursing i realized that i couldn't get out. there were no keys to be found, mom's cell was off (because she only turns it on when she's expecting a phone call. pfft), and toyota was telling me that they would be happy to assist me if i would be so kind as to call during their business hours.

it wasn't until they got back that we looked through the manual again and found out that the car can't be opened from the outside or inside if the car is locked. dad freaked out and went on for about 30 minutes on how dangerous that was, while mom was laughing hysterically over the fact that i had been trapped. stupid new cars. at least we learned about this now and not later when it could have been potentionally bad.

God, this post was too long. i need to update more often.