overwhelming

words can not describe the pressure that is pushing down on me right now. i'm stressed to the point of breaking and i need to unwind and relax fast or i'm going to push everyone away.

some people get sad and mope when they are having trouble dealing with things. me? i get agitated and overly critical to the point where my name might as well be debbie downer. nothing seems right and everything i say is wrong.

i am going home tomorrow. it's been weeks since i've talked to my family and over a month and a half since i've seen them, and they are only two hours away. mom called me last night and i was so relieved to hear her voice i could have cried.

there's so much i need to be doing but i can't find the time to make it all fit. between papers, books, research, and connecticut camp i am finding myself wasting what precious free time i do come across.

everything seems to be due april 7th. connecitcut camp, my research paper. both of those are projects that take up an immense chunk of time. on top of that i have books to read and a paper for african history, at least two books to finish for the geog of human rights (plus course reserves), and italian homework to keep up with. i'm only taking 12 hours this semester but i'm putting in way more-- at least five hours at the library every day, and that's just research. that's not putting together the paper, or reading for other classes.

the sad part is this picture i just painted for you is nothing compared to life outside of school. hell,
nothing is even happening and i don't want to deal with it.

just...i just want breathing space and i can't seem to find it anywhere.